LAFA

THAT POSH LIFE: The LAFA Syndrome.

THIS WRITE UP IS A RESULT OF COMBING THROUGH WHAT TO SEND TO MY LITTLE FRIEND, WHO NEEDED SOMETHING FOR A PIECE IN HER TEEN MAGAZINE FROM ME. I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

"I have gone through a number of posts for this column and finally settled for this one... simply because it is rampant yet "sweet". 
The sweetness of it is determined by how much of an "Americanah" you are, or how much you claim to be. ( I know a few people who have told themselves lies for so long, that even they themselves have started believing that lie. So wharaheck? Choose your lie however it "sweets" you.)

I went on twitter one faithful day and on my timeline, my friend Shade was handing out LAFA Awards to certain deserving recipients. 

Shade is a young independent entrepreneur who runs a global business with an international spread of clientele. She pays her bills and needs not proove any point to anyone. Incase you don't get this long grammar, She isn't hungry! Oh by the way LAFA is an acronym for Locally Acquired Foreign Accent.
So now, maybe you understand my two needs of pointing out what Shade does. 
1. Her business is international. She ought to be the one with LAFA but she only speaks simple, clear, crisp grammatically correct English. The best part, her clients understand her well.

2. She is financially secure. So she doesn't need LAFA to give her a form of security or get someone to pick up her bills.

Back to my gist.

So I get on Twitter and had so much fun that day laughing. For the fear of emotionally bruising egos, I won't mention recipients but just imagine various accents from almighty American, to Cockney, to Irish to even Turkish! (Well, how else do I comprehend someone who travels to Turkey or even Dubai and returns with an American accent? )

The worse are those who are born and bred on this hot soil, yet have LAFA! 
Please don't get me wrong. I have seen cases of kids who travel abroad as toddlers, return a couple of years later or even less and have retained a foreign accent thanks to strictly watching foreign TV and attending schools with foreign curricula and are therefore forced to speak that way to friends and teachers. I know about 5 kids like this. But you know that's not what LAFA is about. You know!

LAFA creeps up without notice! Could be after dressing up with well though out intent (I will talk about this one another day), looking Sharp and walking into a crowd of young and young at heart, averagely successful but most especially recognized (I am avoiding the word "celebrities" for misconception reasons) individuals. If you are like Shade (or me) and find yourself in one of these gatherings, you'd probably burst out laughing when someone says a simple hello to you. By the time you engage in a full conversation with a LAFAist who (like Chimamanda explains it in her book "Americanah") rolls their "t" till it metamorphorses into a "d" and keep the "r" rolling, you'd be laughing even harder when you hear "waiderrr, could I have a boddle of waderrr please?" Or in the middle of serious dicuss, you hear "it was reporded yesterday as still tentadive".

One amazing aspect of LAFA is unveiled by those who do  the English accent...

Everyone wants to imitate Aunty Taiwo Ajayi-Lycett but end up over doing it. She spent a good chunck of her life there living and dinning with the Queen! She has her roots in theatre firmly in the Uk, as is her family life! There is already one Aunty Taiwo so stop already! 

Dear LAFAist, For crying out loud who speaks exerting so much energy? The gesticulations and mouth movement is enough to burn 300 calories per word!

But guess what: it works! Oh yes! Don't you dare undermine the powers of LAFA! More amazing is the fact that with LAFA, certain inabilities are concealed ( Not to the properly grounded who know their onions though). The horrible fashion designer says somethings with a LAFA and bam! You patronize. 

The beatless and/or lyricless musician LAFA's at you and a CD has been sold. An inept actor gives his lines a LAFA, and you want to see the part 2 of his film. It works wonders. Many in our society are impressed due to an extreme hunger for all things non-African, by the trends of a few.

LAFA has therefore become a tool for "National advancement and societal transformation". .It puts you on a scale with those considered educated. It marries you with the high flyers at events. It automatically elevates you to the Posh life of the successful (How in heaven's name does an accent make you even remotely successful? I'm here asking questions when LAFA is opening political, financial doors and more!)

Forget that the LAFA has a peak and off peak period, you are considered sophisticated. At your peak time, you've got panache. Once it's off peak, you are "down to earth". That earns you some more endearing!

So, choose ye this day which LAFA best suites thee . Believe it and run with it. Watch TV and learn the gesticulations that go with swooning for example. 
In the fickleness of our times, this is one of many things which assure you that posh life".

Hello mi lovelies,

How has your day been today? Mine had a little up and down at the bank that left me exhausted. But I realise all of that make life fun! And so I try to enjoy it.

I particularly am blogging today to draw attention to a message I put on my social media platforms abut three years ago. Apparently some people missed it. Lol
I saw a movie I featured in and year and my credit was "Ufuoma Ejenobor".
I asked the producer why he had not used Ufuoma McDermott as I had used on my release form and he insisted that "Ejenobor" was the Known name and he intends to capitalise on it.

I have officially and legally changed my name from Ufuoma Stacey Ejenobor to
Ufuoma Stacey McDermott.

I know what you are thinking.
"How can she change her name at this time when her career is flying?"
Well, I have thought through and am aware of the implications of this change.
I am also succeeding in the department of building this brand from the scratch...
Even if I say so myself.

So, Let me re-introduce myself to you.
My name is Ufuoma McDermott.
I am an actress, producer and Director.

Be sure to follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat.
It's @ufuomamcdermott across board.

Ciao!